I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
