I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
