do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
