And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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