Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
