Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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