I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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