OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
