and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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