I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
