omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
