I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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