No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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