I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
