His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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