Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
