This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
