if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
