Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
