my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
