My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
