Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
