She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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