toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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