what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
