Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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