Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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