Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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