i think i have herpe
just one?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
