i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
