I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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