The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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