i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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