I wish I could teleport
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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