Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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