How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
