just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
