dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
