My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
