Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
