i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
