I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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