Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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