I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
