I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
