sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
