I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
