It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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