You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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