Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
