We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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