ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
