Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
