I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
