Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
