i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
